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The Fit and Fluffy Momma

embracing my 'fluff' while finding my 'fit'

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A season of blessings and loneliness...

I didn’t want to share that I was reading this book, because it exposes my vulnerability. But I figured if Lysa TerKeurst is brave enough to write it and pour her heart out, and if it’s a bestseller meaning that there must be a LOT of other women out there also reading it, then I can share the fact that I am too in hopes of helping someone else dealing with the same struggles to discover this book. 

If I had to sum up this past year in 2 words, those words would be “blessed” and “lonely.”

I don’t want to take away from the fact that I am so blessed and thankful for the opportunity to be home during the week to homeschool my kids. I’ve prayed for this since my daughter was teeny tiny. We have had an amazing time attending a ton of field trips and meet ups with other local homeschool families, and we’ve really been blessed with all of the opportunity that has come with me being able to leave my full time job and be home during the week. 

However, I have never felt more lonely in my life. A little background... when my husband and I got married, I was working 2 jobs, always surrounded by people. I quit my part time job 2 months before my daughter was born and became a full-time working mom, which lasted for 7 1/2 years. 

Between work and home demands, I felt like I rarely had time for anything in between. And meeting new people, or even seeing the friends I did have outside of work, was a rare occurrence. But friends at work were always there, I could depend on that. I would look forward to seeing them, sharing stories, having a chat in the break room. I was fortunate to work at a great place with great people, and as much as I wanted this change to be home, I really do miss my old coworkers. 

This new world of being a full time at home momma has been exciting and scary, rewarding and lonely, normal and foreign, all at the same time. And there is much more lonely than I could have imagined. Not only because I am no longer surrounded by people all day, but also because we moved away from everyone we know. So the mommas that I do know who are available during the week are all too far away for us to hang out with now. 

I have always considered myself a “loner,” introverted, shy, all of the basically anti-social descriptions I can think of. But I think I craved alone time more before because I didn’t have any. Like, EVER. Now things are entirely different, and I feel like I’m always alone. (well, with my kids, but you know what I mean) And I am the WORST at meeting new people. The. Worst. I’m working on it though. 

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting from this book. But one thing I have learned so far is the fact that I have trust issues on levels that I didn’t realize. Trust issues that separate me from people and from God. 

I’m not even halfway through this book but I already see it being a great tool in getting through this lonely season. Because it is just a season, I believe a growing season, and I look forward to what’s on the other side. 

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